Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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