I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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