There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this just has baby written all over it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
