Fuck appropriateness.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
