Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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