Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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