that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
