i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
