peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
