Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
