We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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