I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
