that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
then he tried to convert me to islam
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
