Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
