she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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