I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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