omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
