I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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