why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
