Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
