She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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