I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
