i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
