I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
