I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
