I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
