You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
