you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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