So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
