He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
