Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the day after is always just damage control
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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