I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
