i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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