Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
