Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
