It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
