she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
