The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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