I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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