Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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