you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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