i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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