Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
FUCK WHALES
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
