how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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