i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
