Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
