After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
