i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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