So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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