How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
