Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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