my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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