I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
