Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
