Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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