True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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