Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
