shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
