if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
