last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
