forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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