Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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