My nipple is on Facebook.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the condom got lost in my hair
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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